


Frozen

by phanburnhamizzard



Category: Phan, Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), dan and phil
Genre: Angst, Comfort, Cuddles, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Gen, Hospital, Illnesses, M/M, Mental Illness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-27
Updated: 2016-05-27
Packaged: 2019-05-14 14:20:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14771306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phanburnhamizzard/pseuds/phanburnhamizzard
Summary: When Dan's existential crisis about his law exam turns into a serious medical crisis, Phil is the only one who can reach him.  This story was inspired by Dan's "College Dropout" video.  "Frozen" is part one, and "Thaw" is part two.





	Frozen

Triggers: hospital, depression, medication

Type: fluff, angst, comfort

Summary: When Dan's existential crisis about his law exam turns into a serious medical crisis, Phil is the only one who can reach him. This story was inspired by Dan's "College Dropout" video. "Frozen" is part one, and "Thaw" is part two. 

Words: 1738

"I'm not going", exclaimed Dan.

"Dan, what are you on about?" asked Phil.

"I'm not going to my re-sit"

"Dan, you have to go to your re-sit"

"I don't if I don't give a flying fuck" said Dan, as he threw his revision notes onto the floor and himself onto the couch. 

"Dan?"

But Dan's head was buried in his hands and Phil could see his face reddening with anger and frustration.

He walked over and sat beside him.

"What's going on?"

"I can't do it!" Dan yelled through his hands, "I can't learn this. I don't care about it. I don't want to do it. I'm a failure."

"Dan, you're not a failure. Law is hard. Why don't I help you revise for a bit?"

But the tears were already streaming down Dan's cheeks. He was distraught in a way that Phil had never seen him before.

"Dan?"

But Dan did not answer, he only wept. And wept. And then the weeping turned to sobbing.

At first, Phil did not know what to do. He had a tinge of fear in his stomach: a sense of foreboding that this episode was not going to be short-lived. He suddenly felt overwhelmed at the responsibility that had fallen into his lap. It was clear that Dan was not okay. He never sobbed in front of Phil. In fact, he went out of his way to hide his tears when he cried during sad movies. Clearly, Dan was not okay.

"Dan," Phil began slowly, "I can see that you are upset. Would you like to talk about it or would you rather I held you for a bit?"

Dan did not answer, but after a moment, he slowly leaned towards Phil and allowed the older boy to take him into his arms. He rested his head on Phil's chest, never taking his face out of his hands. And the sobs just kept coming.

Phil didn't try to make Dan talk. He simply held him and comforted him, stroking his arms and rocking very slightly back and forth. His own heart was breaking. Seeing Dan in this much anguish caused him physical pain in his own chest.

A half hour later, the two boys were still on the couch and Dan was curled up with his head in Phil's lap. Phil was stroking his hair and whispering to him softly, "Everything is going to work out, Dan. You're going to be okay."

As the minutes turned into an hour, Phil's concern grew. Dan still hadn't spoken. He didn't want to push him, but he also needed to know if he was okay. 

Dan's face was still covered with his hands, but Phil could see the tears were still falling steadily. Dan was breathing through his mouth between soft sobs.

After an hour had passed, Phil decided to try to engage Dan.

"Dan? Would you like some water?"

No response.

"Dan?" asked Phil again, but again he got no reply–no indication that Dan had even heard him. 

He decided to speak more forcefully, "Dan, I need you to talk to me so that I know you are okay. Say something to me."

Nothing happened.

Phil stopped stroking Dan's hair and lightly shook his friend. "Dan? Dan are you okay?"

But Dan did not respond.

Phil began to panic. The last time Dan had made a sound was about 20 minutes earlier when the sobs had receded into silent tears. Phil also realized that that was the last time Dan had moved, letting his hands fall from his face and crossing them over his chest. His head was in Phil's lap, his feet at the end of the couch and his knees pulled up towards his chest.

Phil shook Dan more urgently, but Dan didn't alter his position.

"Dan!" Phil shouted, panicked now, but he got no response. He grabbed his cell phone from his pocket and called an ambulance.

"It's called catatonia", the Doctor explained to Phil and to Dan's Mum, whom Phil had called right after the ambulance. "From what you described, he has been fighting depression for quite some time, and this last episode pushed him into this neurologic condition. He was frozen: locked inside of himself. The mind will do this when it is overstimulated. He was in too much mental pain, so his brain just turned the higher functions off, if you want to look at it that way."

"So my son had a nervous breakdown?" Dan's mum asked,

"Yes, you can call it that. We are giving him medications to calm him down and he will slowly be able to move and talk again. But note that I said he will be "able", not that he "will". It will take the right medications and good support and interventions to help give him the strength to re-engage with the world."

"When can we see him?" asked Phil.

"You can go in now, but don't stay more than 5 or 10 minutes. And don't try to make him talk or move. Keep your voices low and calm. Any type of demand or stress could send him back into the catatonic state".

"Thank you, Doctor," said Phil, while comforting Mrs. Howell. 

"I can't see him like this," said Dan's mum. "I need to pull myself together first. You go in. I'll call my husband and let him know what's going on."

Phil slowly walked into the darkened room . Dan was lying on his back, his eyes fixed on the ceiling. He was attached to an IV that was full of something called "Lorazepam", which Phil figured to be a calming agent. His eyes were red and swollen, but he was no longer crying. His breathing was slow and steady.

"Hi", said Phil, softly. "Hi Dan, it's me, Phil." He immediately felt stupid for saying that, but he found himself feeling like the boy in the bed was a stranger. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath to calm himself. 

"Hi Dan. It's good to see you. I want you to know that I know that you can hear me and that you are going to be okay."

Dan's eyes moved slowly towards Phil until they focused on his face. His expression remained unchanged.

"Dan, " Phil repeated, just in case Dan hadn't heard him or hadn't understood the first time, "You're okay. You're in Hospital. You had something called Catatonia, but you're getting medicine for it and you're already getting better. Everything is going to be just fine. You are going to be just fine."

Dan held Phil's gaze, then blinked once, then slowly looked back up towards the ceiling. The pain in his eyes had stung Phil's heart. He wasn't okay. He was hurting. And Phil didn't know what to do or say to help him.

Every 3 hours, the doors opened to visitors, and every 3 hours, Phil was at Dan's side, repeating the same words of comfort. The nurses said the only time Dan responded to anyone was when Phil spoke to him. Even then, it was only the eye movement, but at least that was progress. As the days went by, Dan began to turn his head towards Phil. By the end of the week, he was moving his left hand to control the bed so he could sit up a bit when Phil walked in.

Phil was beyond exhausted, but since he seemed to be the only lifeline between Dan and the rest of the world, he put his own life on hold and moved into the ICU waiting room.

Dan was still not speaking, but Phil could tell by the look in his eyes whether Dan was feeling better or not. The Physical Therapist that came in to help Dan sit on the edge of the bed and stretch his stiff legs said that Dan had lost so much muscle that he would need a walker for a while when he went home.

Home. The day finally came, two weeks later, when Dan was well enough to go home. He was feeding himself and dressing himself and could walk 300 feet with the walker before having to sit down to rest. He still was not speaking and made little effort to communicate, other than a few looks and gestures to Phil, but the Doctors were pleased with his progress and felt the heavy doses of anti-depressants would help him to make even more progress in the the familiar surroundings of home with his friend.

Back in their flat, Phil re-arranged the furniture so Dan's walker could fit through easily. He helped him into the lounge and onto the sofa crease where he felt most at home. Then he helped him take his anti-depressant medicine, holding the cup steady when Dan's arm got too shaky.

"Dan, I'm going to fix some dinner, are you hungry?"

Dan nodded very slowly.

"Ok. I'll be back in a few minutes to check on you. If you need me, ring the bell that's by your left hand, okay?"

Dan nodded again and Phil turned to walk towards the kitchen.

"Phil?"

The sound was so soft that Phil thought he had imagined it.

He stopped and turned and looked at Dan, who was looking at him with an intensity that had been absent for the past 3 weeks.

"Dan?" said Phil as he hurried to his side. "Dan? Are you okay? Did you call me?"

"Phil," came the whisper of a voice again. 

Phil sat on the coffee table and took Dan's hands into his own. "It's so good to hear you talk, Dan. I've missed you."

"Phil," Dan said in a whisper, "I hurt".

Phil could feel his heart break, both in sadness for his friend's pain, and in joy at this first step of progress towards getting well again.

"I know you do, Dan." Phil said, " Do you want to talk about it, or do you want me to hold you for a bit?"

"Both," Dan answered in a broken voice. 

Phil lay on the couch beside Dan, allowing him to slowly curl up next to him with his head on his chest.

And Dan began to talk. 

 

TO BE CONTINUED IN "THAW"


End file.
